Amala Guy (aka Big Belle Daddy Guy)

This next froggy was not meant to feature till my 7th or 8th write up but dude just had to jump the queue! It's as if his sub conscience told him I was going to start a blog cos after 4 months of him getting the message to stay away, he decided to reappear on the scene just this Monday all in the name of "I am pleased to tell u I got a job in your work area" ehhhh "I am far from pleased". Dude is telling me we must meet for lunch or after work drinks.......I'm like whatever men cos at this point I am highly irritated as in geeze delete my number already!!!


I met Amala at a friend's birthday gathering. One of those very intimate settings where everyone seems to know each other and if u don't, automatically u supposedly become friends from that day onwards. So this was me having bad cramps and repeatedly reminding myself that I am attending this thing cos it's a a close girlfriend that invited me. I had one of my "ugly smile" going on so that no male will approach me. Well ugly or not this character refused to take the hint so he kept coming towards me and then turning back when he saw my "ugly smile". Finally he found strength to come and introduce himself. He asked why I had a permanent frown on my face, started coming across as so caring (like I've known him from a previous life). So I eased up thinking it must take a lot of guts to come talk to me in this mood I am displaying. We sha exchanged numbers..........

Amala guy had told me he is an engineer and he was going places in his life (Noo ooo me I am not going places hissss) so he already sees a future with me ( Sure not beating around the bush). I am a jand girl so I had to remind myself the last time a guy in jand who had everything going for himself will ask to be my man in only 2 phone conversations!!! Surely sumtin was wrong here. He kept calling to impress me with boring work talk about how he is running this project or the other (sureeee like I careee). Anyway by this time I thot it was best for him to understand that for me to hear anything he is saying we need to start off with a good meal lol lol. I recommended Nandos cos this dude didn't seem the type that will be comfortable spending too much on food. As we are dining at Nandos, he starts to reminisce about his ex-girlfriend who he apparently treated beyond a Queen but yet she still left his ass. He is a former Unilag boy so information to do with how he raised her when she was broke, bought her this perfume or the other was of vital important to his chat-up lines. By the time he dropped me home, I thot to myself perhaps I am being harsh on this dude taking out my general male anger on him. So I decided to chillll out a bit............(Ahhhh wrong move!).

My guy decides that he wants to show me his neck of the woods and what the definition of a real good time is. He picks me from the North and drives me to the "real South" where 1 in 2 dudu people are Naija's. Ok I took off my snobbish hat and started doing humility breathing exercise. We get into this Naija Restaurant and it sure isn't one of the nice looking ones in North London. he recommends I order nn-ko-bi (don't know how to spell it but its some watery soup with some fatty meaty elements going on), I was like suya will do thanks. When his nn-ko-bi arrives, he starts describing to me how this is one of the best meals u can eat in this world, I felt he was getting drunk off this soup! So I decided to have a taste, lol lol this soup tasted like water mixed with soap and a slimmy base!!! I just held my face cos it's not polite to frown at someone's food abi? Okk ooo I thanked him for this splendid evening (Not!) and he drops me home.

Mid-week he calls me to meet him for dinner at this point I decide to suggest one of my own comfort zones but Big Belle Daddy wasn't having any of it. He sha convinced me that this restaurant will have more variety. Again we end up in the South and this time he is insisting I order Amala!!!! OOO my wordd, I mean I aint gonna pose Amala can be really delicious but never in my life will I eat that outside my own home. Pounded yam would have made more sense but No No it had to be Amala. Well he came with another guy friend who seemed fine with the Amala idea so they both ate on while I comfortably ate my jollof-rice. When his belle was full, Amala guy asks me do u know why they call me BBD (Big Belle Daddy), ehhh I thot to myself that is a bit obvious isn't it?, he goes cos my tummy is soooo Big Ha Ha Ha Laughing to himself............oooo at this point I knew there was no hope for this dude. He shot himself straight in the "No Good Jokes Division". We said our good byes and I was sure I won't be picking his calls anymore. I mean I have not been associated with razz and I sure don't intend on starting.

Ooooo but to totally kill me off, this Big Belle Daddy starts harassing me that it is my turn to take him out for a meal!!!! Emmmm excuse u? Cos he fed me 2wice or three times? U would have thot he was joking or tryna find a way to see me again. Nooo his voice became more serious on each call. Kept going on about how broke he was so I shld come and get him bla bla bull shit. I started feeling guilty that perhaps I had eaten too much out of his food budget? So I offered to pay for oyinbo man's food (Pizza) to which he reluctantly agreed cos ideally Amala made more sense. Anyway once he ate enuff Pizza on my account, I was certain that he was going to be part of history so I told him I have a lot going on in my life and I won't be able to accommodate him or his calls any more. Stay blessed and Good bye.

Like I said at the top of this write up, dude got in touch again just 3 days ago and ystday he just took the piss!!! He says look lets meet somewhere near work its been so long, okkk I think hmmm going home to cook versus dining in a cool restaurant in the city. I braced myself and agreed! In under an hour to meeting up he says hope he told me it is just drinks we are doing? I was like excuse me I am starving so its best I go home cos I aint down for no drinks. He then goes ok no problem if u r paying for your meal and maybe mine why not? Chinekeeee ooooo Father Lord I declare that u must I repeat must keep irritating men away from me cos I refuse to kill anyone in my life time. The sharp reply from me..."u must be having a big laugh response" and the abrupt good bye don't call me ever again, makes me certain that he is so gone for life, Amen!