Being Both (Written by Nene)

Absolutely fantastic piece! Thot to share........

Being both....

i've been both the girl "he's just not that into"
the one that holds her breath and smiles...
knowing how fragile she is next to him
knowing how easily everything can change
and how she holds on by a string to his love
the one that knows her heart is slowly breaking
as each day brings the revelation that she deserves better
each day, a new dawn of empty promises and lost hope
one step closer to the end,
just one more step to fall from the ledge.
i've been the girl, that thot love=pain
constant anxiety and uncertainty meant it must be real,
a constant quest to prove herself worthy of him
of the scraps he throws off his table...that which he called love
i've been the one to believe i could change him
that soon he'll see whats soo special about me
but how could that have been...when i didnt see it myself
i've been the girl that struggled with forgivness
the one whose undying passion turned into a fury of burning rage
the one who struggled to let go of the shit she was fed
the shit she soo willingly accepted
the one whose tears must have fallen on the hands of God
cause only Him could have lifted her up

yes, i've been both
but the girl above is dead to her
as all her standards have been trully raised
"levels don change"
now, she is the she she wants to be
still swept away in the promise of tomorrow
carried away by the wonderful words that part his lips so easily
but even him, a different he. replaced by another
as evidenced by the melowness of his tone and the softness of his voice
she pinches herself
she thot she had prayed and told God what she wanted
but she forgot that when he blesses, he adds 1000 fold to who you are
because the beauty in the union that is 'them' cannot be accounted to her imagination alone
all her anger, melted away in the eyes of the future
still with some fear and trepidation, but faith overides them all
now she stands next to him strong
confident in who she is alone, and in who she is with him
peace overwhelmes her as she searches for anxiety
a new definition of love is made clear
her childhood fantasies are replaced by real life
real love
grounded in the hope that what God has put together
no man...not even themselves
shall put asunder
and with this she knows that forgiveness is complete
her grip on the past has been released
as she boldly embraces her future.